Neurolinguistic Programming Master Practitioner And International Trainer William Wood
When the SH*# hits the fan, we know it.
Yet do we notice all the good things that happen in our lives? This interview has me taking a whole new look at my good and bad experiences in every area of life personally and professionally. I believe it will do the same for you too!
Did you know that there is a Magic Ratio to Systematic Rituals of Happiness?
William shares an inspiring answer to that question from first hand experience as a husband of 20+ trips around the sun. BeLoved Miracles of his “crashed out” marriage recovering to spiral up to ever greater heights today! And as a father given “stewardship,” as he says, to 6 hearts and minds, his youngest now just a few months old.
Grab a pen and paper…
Because this inspiring personal story, backed up by solid ongoing positivity research exemplifies how together, we truly do overcome.
0:37 Many many years ago in Ithaca New York. this STORY BEGINS when…
1:03 FAIRBANKS, ALASKA is where William ____________ and met his wife.
2:03 Long journey LEARNING to work within the _____________ of a family.
2:35 ______________ is the MOST IMPORTANT job for a father.
2:41 William has been given ______________ over SIX MINDS & HEARTS.
3:19 How to ____________ approach PARENTING in a way to…
4:09 A good ____________ will beat random EFFORT every time.
4:57 ________________ psychology is very different then STUDYING disease psychology.
5:41 Individuals prosper when they have ______ exposures to genuine positivity, NOT FAKE.
6:37 MAGIC RATIO by ___________________ rituals of happiness.
7:47 Highly functional MARRIAGES have a positivity ratio of…
8:51 Help create a _____________ around the home that builds that kind of POSITIVITY.
9:21 HOW do you do that? With a ___________, with ___________ and with ____________.
10:35 FIRST THING before I look at my phone, before I talk to anybody I…
11:27 He’s no Carlos Nakai, but a ______________ is on the TOP SHELF of Williams…
12:15 Whole goal is to CREATE ________________________, something that binds and gels.
13:07 FURIOUSLY trying to capture… Systematic Rituals of Happiness like…
14:01 Sometimes it takes CRASHING OUT to ________________ how to get happy.
15:21 Had to TURN THINGS AROUND and a really important part of that was…
16:25 What ___________ CAN YOU BUILD to generate the kind of life that you actually want?
17:01 The WORLD NEEDS A MAN’S HEART today you have __________ with many couples.
Welcome to this next episode of The BeLoved Miracles Couples Project!
Today we welcome a husband, father, master practitioner and international trainer of neurolinguistic programming.
Welcome William Wood in Utah!
William – Hey thanks it’s good to be here. An honour to be on your show.
Timothy – Ah, likewise, I am speechless all the way from Norway, thank you, thank you.
So William where does your story begin?
William – Well, I suppose that my story begins many many years ago in Ithaca New York where I was born. I was born to two amazing parents. My dad was right at the tail end of his law school. He was in his last set of finals before he graduated with his doctorate in justice. My mother was just wrapping up her job and getting ready to take care of me and become a full-time mother.
1:03 William – Then we journeyed to Fairbanks Alaska where I grew up. I met my wife at the age of 11 years old. She was an old 12 years old at that time. We went to the same junior high together, we went to church together and we grew up as childhood friends. We never really dated until we went to college. We ended up at the same college in Idaho and later on in Utah. So we didn’t start dating really heavily until Utah. Then in Utah we got married. Now we have six kids, my youngest is right about three months old. My oldest is in college she is actually back at the same university where she was born. At the University Hospital there, or I guess the community Hospital just right across from the University. And here I am.
2:03 William – It’s been a long journey learning to work within the context of a family. Learning and growing with the family values that I grew up with. Then learning how to succeed in my own mission and my own vision for what it is I am out to accomplish.
2:25 Timothy – Brilliant, and I hear proud papa in that, I’ve got a seven-year-old myself. Six of them. That’s ahhh… Big job isn’t it?
2:35 William – The most important one, yeah, the most important one. I mean we think about what we do professionally, we think about what we do in terms of our career. What I have dedicated my life to his helping people create incredible breakthroughs in their personal life and in their professional life. I am really interested in the mind and heart. And I have been given stewardship over six minds and hearts. And my little teeny tiny tots are my most important stewardships that I’ve got. Everything that I do professionally pales in comparison to what I do as a father. And as a father, as you know, it is a learning process to figure out how that works.
3:19 William – When I was single and no kids I had all sorts of ideas about what it meant to raise a family. And all sorts of ideas of what it meant to parent. Yet facing the challenges of parenting and learning how to systematically approach parenting in a way to raise awesome kids is a lifelong growing and learning experience. So it’s a really cool experience and it’s something that has been a major learning journey for me.
3:45 Timothy – Right, and you mentioned system just now. So undoubtedly with six of them systems begin to arise even more right? How to do it more efficiently, How to get more done with actually less of an input. What can you speak to especially to couples and in this modern day weaving together as you do your personal life as well as your professional life using systems?
4:09 William – Well, I think that a good system will beat random effort every time. And that is true of I think marriage systems, your own mindset, and I’m going to start there. I’ll start with the mindset. Because I think that all leadership ultimately starts with the mind and it starts with the heart. And the first person I am going to enrol in my leadership program is me.
4:37 William – Right, I’ve got to get myself to follow the kind of actions it’s going to take to produce the kind of results that I’m looking to produce. There has been some really interesting research done out of the area of positive psychology over the last 20 years or so. I’m not sure how familiar you are with the positive psychology field, maybe a little bit, maybe a lot, maybe not at all. But positive psychology is very different then studying disease psychology.
5:03 William – Positive psychology looks at people who are thriving and prospering and asks the question, “How did they do that?” How do you get to a place of prosperity? How do you get to a place of being highly functional? One of the most stunning… and I’m blanking on her name right now… Barbara Fredrickson I think is her name. One of the most stunning learnings comes out of Barbara Fredrickson’s work and I think Seligman’s work is worth looking at as well. And basically here is what she found. She found that individuals prosper when they have three exposures to genuine positivity, not fake. Anybody can put on a fake smile. But the research actually shows that a fake smile or faking positivity is as toxic as negativity in your life. And it will send people into downward spiral.
5:55 William – So with positivity in a ratio of 3 positive events during the day to 1 negative event. Now here’s the interesting thing, this is fascinating. When you get to five positive events for every one negative event you tend to spiral up even faster. So we are talking about developing mindset. 80% of the people that I’ve seen worldwide that have been studied, have a positivity ratio closer to 1 to 1 or 2 to 1. Below 1 to 1 people will tend to go into a downward spiral. They will tend to have their energy collapse, they’ll collapse into anxiety or depression or lack of productivity.
6:37 William – So here is one of the first observations that she had. She says there is this magic ratio that we see across cultures, across people which is this 3 to 1 ratio. Three positives to one negative. But in order to get there almost everybody is going to have to systematise rituals of happiness. To be able to create that kind of positivity. 80% of the people surveyed baseline positivity scores 1 to 1 or 2 to 1 right in that range.
7:09 William – And so they aren’t thriving. So I would say even if we just take a look at our own personal lives. If we want to create a thriving inner dimension of our attitude, our well-being and our mindset we have got to put into place throughout the day little positivity breaks. Most of us, if we want to really reach that 3 to 1 ratio. And that means systematising how you approach your mindset. And I’m coming back around to families and I’m going to be coming back around to your business. Because as it turns out, they have studied highly functional marriages for example. The best marriages across the world also have a positivity ratio of about 5 to 1. So for every one negative event that happens inside the marriage relationship, there is five positive events.
8:01 William – Literally just by tracking the ratio of positivity to negativity you can predict is that couple thriving or are they dwindling? Well here is what I can say, and it is backed up by the research. Most couples are not going to get to a 5 to 1 ratio, They are not going to get to that place of thriving. Without some kind of systematic approach to building that kind of positivity inside of their marriage.
8:27 William – Well, it turns out that they have studied this in business too. And in business if you want to have a thriving business team. The highest functioning business teams across the world operate at a 5 to 1 ratio of positivity to negativity. And the most creative, and the most productive highest grossing teams all have this kind of positivity built into them. So the reason I am pausing for a minute as I say as a parent. If I want to parent my children, if I want to guide my children I have got to help create a system around the home that builds the kind of positivity that leads to a thriving young child versus a child that spirals down into depression, negativity or self-esteem challenges.
9:21 William – And how do you do that? You can’t do that without a schedule, without routines and without the rituals. And so one of the first things that I would like to challenge people to do as they are listening today. As you are thinking about how you are prospering inside of your marriage and inside of your own mindset and inside of your own attitude and inside of your business team.
9:45 William – And if your wife or your husband is your business partner. Or your partner, life partner or whatever. Are you living inside of an environment where most of the time you have genuine positive interaction? And if the answer is no I’m going to recommend that you build a routine. One of the first things that I do is I recommend that people fill out an a.m./p.m. routine. Inside of their mindsets. So this is the worksheet (comment below, requesting the worksheet and where we can send it to you) that I give people. I have them in my desk so that as I do coaching work one of the first things I ask people to do usually, if not it’s the last thing I asked them to do, I asked them to start to build out routines that for them genuinely produce positivity.
10:35 William – What does that for you? What does that for me is exercise in the morning. First thing before I look at my phone, before I talk to anybody I meditate for a few minutes. Prayer ends up being a really important part of my system for generating positivity. Reading something inspiring in the morning, that gets my mind really moving in the right direction. Then taking time to eat a healthy breakfast. Those would be a few things that I do in the morning, every morning.
11:07 William – And when it’s a little warmer outside right now there is snow, I’m sure in Norway you guys have some snow right now too, little snowy outside it’s kind hard to walk. A lot of times I will take a walk in the middle of the day just to have a little ritual, noticing nature and enjoying time maybe listening to some soft music and on and on and on.
11:27 William – If you go over here I don’t know if you can see it, on that shelf on that top shelf of my bookcase the one that is closest to my sink there. There is a flute that sits right on the top, on the top shelf. A little wooden Native American flute. I am not awesome, I am no Carlos Nakai for those of you that are fans. I do enjoy the flute and I play it reasonably well. And so one of my routines is to periodically just spontaneously pause during the day and to play the flute, and really to find that kind of positivity.
11:57 William – As I build mindset routines for the home, one of the things that my wife and I have been working on is literally scheduling out time when the family meets, gathers together and we have dedicated time towards cultivating and fostering positivity. For years Monday night has been one of the times when we actually block out everything after about six or 7 o’clock for the kids for ourselves and we sit down and hang out with the family. The whole goal is to create a genuine human connection. Maybe we’ll play games together, learn together, maybe we’ll watch a movie together. But we will do something that binds, that binds and gels.
12:39 William – Inside of the businesses that I run, I run several businesses. Inside of the businesses that I run I have contractors that work for me, I have team members, I have business partners, I also try to make sure that I am actively scheduling, so that there is time blocked out. Time just to be together, to create relationship, to create connection and the positive kind of relationships that ultimately lead to productivity and lead to deep connection and life satisfaction.
13:07 Timothy – Oh, I have taken some good notes. If any of the camera caught me looking the other way it’s just that I’m furiously trying to capture some of what you said here. I made note of systematic rituals of happiness. So even a term like that, it just rings doesn’t it ? With some awareness of, and it leads to the next questions. And I know we are very short time right now. (William – I have got about 2 minutes and then I will have to wrap up here)
13:31 Timothy – I know, so I will not ask them as much as I wish to…
13:35 William – If you have one question, I will be happy to answer one more question.
13:37 Timothy – It’s the surface one, how did this shift for you? Can you speak to you, your marriage, your parenting as a father, as a husband? Where has this spiralling upward or downward in your own experience shifted in a way that you could give just a nutshell. So that somebody going through it would actually know that it’s turned direction for them.
13:59 William – Yeah, well, sometimes it takes crashing out to figure out how to get happy. And so several years ago my wife and I completely crashed out. I would’ve graded our marriage at something like an F minus, and that’s our US grade. So let’s see on 100 point scale that would be like 10% or a high 7%, something like that. And so we crashed out and we had to look at what we were doing and what kind of results we were getting. Those results ultimately needed to change. We got to a point where we had a really serious talk and we said that we have got to do something different. We have got to turn this around.
14:41 William – We knew by watching other couples, that separating wasn’t necessarily the solution. Because it seems like couples that separate tend to repeat the same thing with the next partner. So we figured we have at least got to get ourselves back to a stable place before we can even decide if we are going to move on or not.
15:01 William – You know, we had a lot of years invested. We had like 16 to 17 years invested as a couple at that point. We just had our 20th year anniversary, we are going on our 21st year now. I know I don’t look super old, but we started young. We were married at 21 and 22 years old.
15:21 William – And so we decided that we had to turn things around and a really important part of that was coming together and starting to talk. We started to identify that we really didn’t have time together, that was spent in any kind of positive interaction. And then from there it was trial and error, trying different things out that work for us to be able to build us back up.
15:43 William – So, I know what it is like to go into a downward spiral. I know what it is like to crash out. And I know that it is possible to turn things around. The amazing part of this story, and this is where we will probably have to end today. And I wish I had another hour to talk to you about it. The amazing part of this is that within three months, we had been operating at like a low 10%, 7-10%, maybe at a high of 11% for a couple of years. And within three months we were averaging 80 to 85%. Within a year we were averaging maybe 90-95% in terms of what I would consider our functioning, our happiness and our joy as a couple.
16:25 William – And I’ve watched people do this in their businesses, I have watched them do it with their health. I have watch them do it with their parenting. With every area of life it is possible to turn things around. And it just starts with some mindful reflection on what kind of rituals can you schedule into your life. What kind of systems can you build to generate the kind of life that you actually want?
16:49 Timothy – What more can one say? William, the world needs a man’s heart. And I invited you on because you clearly are a man who is giving your heart to the world. And very specifically in the role as a couple. The couples around the world I have met in my experience, myself included, are almost the unsung heroes. And today you have shared that love in your heart with many couples.
17:17 Timothy – Could I get your word that we could touch on this again sometime soon? We have just touched upon too many important topics that I feel obligated now to ask you a few questions about. Can we do this again soon?
17:25 William – We can do it again. I think I am booked out for the next month or two. If you want to circle back around in a couple of months and schedule a time I would love to come back on and chat with you again.
17:37 Timothy – Fantastic, Thank You So Much! As I close these I often say together we overcome. Today William I feel that is exactly what you and I have done, a couple of men giving their hearts to the world. And I look forward to the feedback and where we can take this next if you are willing to do that. So Thank You so much, saying goodbye from Norway!
17:55 William – Saying goodbye from Utah, USA!
It’s a new year…what new actions will you take to reach your goals?
William Wood has a message for you about changing your beliefs and taking NEW action this year.
I believe if you wrap your brain around this, you can turn any area of your life around in a matter of minutes.
It’s ridiculously simple, yet only the brave will do it.
Are you brave?
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